By Sunday 
Presidential Checkups Return — Along With the Mystery and Memo Magic
The Return of the Elusive Health Report
Donald Trump is scheduled for his annual physical this Friday, marking the first time in years the public might get even a glimpse into the health of the man now holding the title of oldest U.S. president sworn into office.
Trump, now 78, announced the exam with characteristic flair: “I have never felt better, but nevertheless, these things must be done!” he posted on his social platform, just in case anyone doubted his superhuman stamina.
And if history holds true, Americans can likely expect a glowing review short on numbers but big on adjectives.
A Tradition of Secrecy
Despite spending much of his political career raising questions about opponents’ fitness—particularly Joe Biden’s—Trump has often left the nation guessing about his own.
Key details like his weight, cholesterol, or even blood pressure rarely make it past the doctor’s office. Instead, we typically receive a carefully crafted letter from a handpicked physician, written in a tone more suited to a Marvel origin story than a medical document.
Back in 2023, for instance, Dr. Bruce A. Aronwald declared Trump was in “excellent” physical and mental condition. The letter boasted of “exceptional” cognitive scores and claimed Trump had “reduced his weight,” but didn’t include a single metric to support those claims.
The Super Doctor Era
No Trump health saga is complete without Rep. Ronny Jackson, the former White House physician and current House member who once told reporters that Trump could live to 200—if only he laid off the fast food.
Jackson recently resurfaced in Trump’s medical narrative, penning a memo after last July’s assassination attempt that described a gunshot wound to Trump’s right ear. Instead of official records, this was the only medical update the public received.
Even Trump’s hospitalization for COVID-19 in 2020, which raised serious concerns behind the scenes, was initially painted with an optimistic brush. Later reports revealed his condition had been more serious than publicly acknowledged.
Where’s the Full Report?
Trump has long promised to release full medical records—most notably telling CBS in August that he’d “very gladly” share them. Spoiler: he never did.
Even in 2019, his visit to Walter Reed was left off the public calendar entirely, only to be described later as a “very routine physical” that just so happened to be conducted in secret.
And then there’s the infamous “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.” moment. Trump proudly recited those words on television in 2020 as proof of his mental acuity, claiming he’d aced a cognitive test using that sequence. The clip instantly became late-night fodder and a viral phenomenon.
What to Expect This Time
This year’s exam at Walter Reed is expected to follow the familiar formula: a thorough checkup, followed by a flattering, detail-light memo and likely some triumphant quotes from Trump himself. The phrase “best health of any president ever” wouldn’t be surprising.
But while Americans may still be in the dark about his LDL levels, one thing is clear—when it comes to presidential health reports, Trump doesn’t just pass the test. He rewrites it.
And somehow, it always reads like the origin story of a man destined to leap the White House in a single bound.